i hope you are not one of my elusive thoughts..

that comes in the middle of the night,
knocking on mind..

yet refuses to enter my pen.

that disturbs my slumber…

and makes me wait,
until i dream awake,

…trying to capture what it conveys,
and then i ran out of words…

and fell asleep again.

i hope you are not one of my elusive thoughts…
that lingers so often in my mind,

yet just passes me by.

in the multitude of my thoughts and the elusiveness of sense,
i find it hard to write.

and in the absence of purpose, my words aimlessly travel.

yet despite of my incoherence
and incapacity to express what i feel

and even in the midst of my nonsense utter

i hope that my feelings — poorly wrapped in my diction –
shall find its way to YOU.

this statement appeals so much to me right now. i was editing my blog entry last 2009 about the board exams disaster — the Ondoy onslaught — when i (out of sheer ignorance) have deleted the entire article. OH NO.

i’m beginning to hate WORDPRESS but it was still my ignorance that caused the tragedy. Now, i’m thinking whether to post this or not. I don’t want to remember my ignorance. It gives me a very uneasy feeling of regret. It seems that i couldn’t sleep because of what happened.

anyhow, i can’t do anything about it.

My ONLY HOPE now lies on my ability to write another article about it. God please give me the grace to do such.

That was my post in FB a while ago. i don’t know but i just feel so incoherent these days. I’m having a hard time writing my thoughts or probably catching-up with it. I would want to write but i feel emptied out of words.

and it annoys me.

a lot.

have u ever had so many ideas to write and the moment that you hit the keyboard it starts vanishing? i often have those moments. like bubbles that hastens to pop, so are my supposedly profound thoughts.

i think they too find their ways to their writers. just like how poem should find the poet.

you see. even ending this post is difficult.

Anyways, so much for my introduction. I shall now commence my birthday wish list which I have readied since last year because I was inspired by a friend. But I lost my copy so, I am making a new one. Well, I just hope that my friends could at least view this before they decide to buy me a gift. (assumer!)

Could be bought

1. A vintage watch locket or a fob. (I so much want this)
2. A nick joaquin art collection clothing at Freeway ( I so much love that)
3. An empty canvass
4. A cute lampshade (take note of the adjective)
5. A book (as usual) which could be:
   1. NIV bible trimline
   2. Any christian book but I prefer Captivating or A  young woman after God’s own heart
   3. Nicholas Sparks’ A Walk to Remember with a rare coverprint
   4. Ang Tondo Man ay may Langit din by Andres Cristobal Cruz
   5. The Little Prince by St. Antoine Exupery  (hardcover)
   6. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer  (yeah, I’m sort of a fan)
   7. The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein
   8. Love Story by Erich Segal
   9. Any classic book but I prefer Ernest Hemmingway’s A Movable Feast or Mark Twain’s A Tale of Two Cities or Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights (I lost my copy eh, don’t know kung sino humiram.. Huhu, favorite ko pa naman)
   10. The Grammar Book by Celce Murcia and Diane Larsen Freeman (badly needed..hehe.. ung hardbound please)
6. A CS Vaio laptop, cosmopolitan pink (wish ko lang, talaga!)
7. A rose plant
8. A journal notebook from fully booked and a calligraphic pen point 1 or thinner.
9. Painted (personalized) sneakers
10. A pillow (I love to sleep)
11. A letter addressed to me but shall be delivered through a bottle thrown in the sea. Hehe

*The writer would (of course) wish that someday it would reach me but he/she will decide to text me nalang ung message pag di ko pa nareceive after 10 years.

Could be shared

1. A movie
2. A birthday treat (like going somewhere to eat)
3. A night walk (with lots of funny and sensible conversation)
4. Stargazing with telescope and map of stars at Sahara desert (pero pede na din sa Pinas)
5. A late night bus ride (like a road trip or something)
6. Sunset watching
7. Writing or reading poetry (eww, ang corny ba?)
8. A talk over a cup of coffee
9. An outreach or something (feeling artista)
10. Travel or Camping (Since when did I have a flair for the outdoors? hehe)
11. Teach me to bike! Please

Could be prayed for

1. household incorporation in the church
2. favors from work
3. career direction
4. financial breakthroughs
5. healing and protection for the family
6. to have a new small group and raise leaders
7. direction and promotion for my brothers
8. favors and protection for Ate iday and her family

…and for God to grow me in faith, humility, grace and wisdom. Amen

But still, “it’s the thought that counts!”

STRANDED